Sonny Ross

You’ve spent the past three years alone on a desert island. You build a raft and miraculously hit the mainland right in front of a Circle K. What’s the first thing into your mouth when you burst through its doors?

Any kind of physical endurance turns me into a hot simmering pile of flesh, so probably something cold and sweet like a slushie.

You’re the last survivor of avalanche that has trapped your party for a number of weeks. You may or may not have developed a taste for human flesh by the time you make it to the nearest supermarket. Which snack will welcome you home best?

A pallet cleanser I’m sure! So maybe a sour candy, I hate them but if I’m picking dudes out of my teeth I’l take anything to get rid of the flavour. Oh and for the record I’d be the first to perish in an avalanche.

You’ve just been released after forty years of wrongful imprisonment. In recompense, the Governor has offered you a lifetime supply of your favorite snack. What morsel will make everything alright?

Well, after 40 years of mistrusting the justice system (and rightly so!) and then the insulting offer of compensation in the form of snacks I would have to go for the most expensive, at the personal expense of the Governor. I would then sell the expensive sweets cheaper than their asking price until I dominate the resale market, start my own business and only hire ex cons to produce candy. This would also make a good film.

You awake from a seven-year coma with a jolt. You sit straight up in your bed, and scream the name of the snack that you’ve been dreaming of all this time. What reveals itself at the top of your lungs?

Pot Noodle. Not sure if you have it in the states, but it’s this disgusting, fast food snack that has seen me through many hangovers. And a coma is basically a big sleep so I imagine I’d need one.

You’ve been hiding out in the Russia from the U.S. Government for years now. You’re tired of borscht. What snack might you face charges of treason for?

A snack that loved me back…